emotional abuse

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Victim Blaming: The Silent Weapon Against Survivors of Covert Narcissism

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Imagine mustering the courage to share your deepest pain, the struggles you face daily in your marriage, and the emotional despair that has consumed you. Instead of finding empathy, you’re met with questions and statements like:

  • "Why don’t you just leave?"

  • "Maybe you’re the problem."

  • "You shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place."

These aren’t just hurtful—they’re devastating. Victim blaming silences survivors, reinforces the abuser’s control, and deepens the emotional wounds of covert narcissistic abuse. Instead of empathy and understanding, you hear accusations, judgments, and dismissive comments. This is the last thing you need and can push you even further into loneliness, hopelessness and despair.

Intimacy Issues with a Covert Narcissist

Today, I want to talk to you about a question that lingers in the hearts of so many: Why can’t I feel intimate with my partner? Let me assure you, you’re not alone in asking this. Intimacy, that deep connection we all crave, can feel impossible when you’re caught in the web of emotional abuse.

Emotional Abuse Consumption

Emotional abuse is often described as insidious, and for good reason. It doesn’t have to happen constantly to dominate your thoughts, emotions, and decisions. Even if the abuse only happens 10% of the time on a clock or calendar, the fear of it, the anticipation of it, and the recovery from it consumes your mind 100% of the time.

Covert Narcissists Need a Supply and a Scapegoat

Narcissistic people need two dominant things: supply and scapegoats. They need someone who cares for their every need and want. This supply feeds their ego, boosting them up, laughing at all of their jokes, hanging on every word they say, and giving them all of their attention. In addition, they need scapegoats. Nothing is ever their fault, so they need somewhere for their blame to go, all the time. Everything that has ever gone wrong in their life is to be blamed on someone or something else.

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Covert Narcissism is the Invisible Abuse

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Covert narcissistic abuse is a hidden abuse. It is invisible to the world around us. Our family and friends don't see it. Our neighbors don't see it. Our churches don't see it. Our therapists don't see it. The courts don't see it. And way too often, the victims don't see it either.  It is a gradual stealing of your right and ability to matter in this world. It is such tiny steps that it is not seen by the victim for years, decades or even a lifetime.

Emotional Safety is Crucial for Us and for Our Kids

Remember that your kid is a fellow human being. Yes you brought him/her into this world. But they are still a separate human being, with their own ideas, thoughts, dreams, fears, feelings, and life. Look at them as such. See them for who they really are.

The Distorted View of an Abuse Victim

When we have experienced abuse in our life, our perspective of reality suffers. Abuse comes in many forms and from many different types of relationships. It can be physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, narcissistic abuse, child abuse, spousal abuse, and so on. When any of these happen, life gets blurry for the victim, and you often don’t even realize it. Seeing life from outside of your own perspective is a large part of the healing process.

Others have it much worse than me, shouldn’t I just be grateful?

It is so easy to talk ourselves into staying in a painful and abusive relationship for way too long. Just because someone else may be in a worse situation than you does not mean that you shouldn’t tend to your own pain and get help.

What Happens when a Narcissist Tries to “Fix” that Broken Relationship?

When does a relationship with a narcissist get worse? When that narcissist decides that they must “fix” the relationship. When they decide to “take charge” of making things right. This is a disaster! This is emotional abuse at its best.

Narcissists: Is it okay to love them and still walk away?

Narcissistic relationships are the most confusing things. The emotional roller coaster you find yourself on is unbelievable and crazy-making. At one point, this person was the love of your life. And you still see glimpses of that from time to time. Yet the abuse between those glimpses is devastating. Your heart feels like a ping pong ball ricocheting back and forth. In the midst of this chaos, please know that it is okay to have feelings for them and yet to still walk away!

Narcissists and Emotions

Narcissists seem to have absolutely no emotional intelligence, inside themselves or with the world around them. They continuously stomp all over your feelings and don’t show an ounce of care about it. They can talk harshly and callously one minute and be confused as to why you don’t want to make love with them the very next minute. The confusion this creates is crazy-making!

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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.