Imagine a tornado ripping through a peaceful countryside. The tornado itself remains intact, untouched by its own ferocity. Yet everything in its path—homes, trees, lives—is left in ruins. The closer something is to the tornado’s core, the greater the destruction it endures. The storm doesn’t care about the devastation it leaves behind; it simply moves forward, consuming and discarding as it pleases.
This is the essence of a narcissist’s impact on those around them. Like a tornado, a narcissist rarely sees or acknowledges the harm they cause. Their words, actions, and manipulation wreak havoc on the lives closest to them. The deeper the relationship, the more vulnerable you are to the emotional, psychological, or even physical destruction they leave in their wake. Yet, like the tornado, the narcissist moves on, seemingly unscathed.
Understanding this dynamic is essential in recognizing the patterns of narcissistic behavior and protecting yourself from its impact. Today, we’ll explore the different types of narcissism and clear up the prevailing confusion about covert narcissism.
Categories of Narcissism
Grandiose Narcissism
Traits: Inflated self-image, entitlement, arrogance, and a need for admiration
Core Motivation: Desire for superiority and power
Vulnerable Narcissism
Traits: Fragile self-esteem, hypersensitivity to criticism, introverted, and full of self-pity
Core Motivation: Desire for validation, sympathy and attention
Malignant Narcissism
Traits: Combines traits of narcissism with antisocial behavior, sadism, and paranoia
Core Motivation: Desire for control and domination over others
Communal Narcissism
Traits: A focus on being seen as altruistic, caring, and socially responsible
Core Motivation: Desire to be admired for being a "good person"
Somatic Narcissism
Traits: Focus on physical appearance, fitness, or sexual prowess
Core Motivation: Desire to be admired for physical attractiveness
Cerebral Narcissism
Traits: Belief in intellectual superiority and disdain for "less intelligent" people
Core Motivation: Desire to be admired for mental capabilities
You will notice that I did not mention covert narcissism. Covert narcissism is not its own category. Covert narcissistic traits can be a part of any of these categories of narcissism. It is a description of how these categories of narcissism show up. Let me explain in more detail.
Grandiose Narcissism
Traits: Inflated self-image, entitlement, arrogance, and a need for admiration
Identifying Signs: Seeking attention, exaggerating achievements, and dominating conversations
Core Motivation: Validation of superiority and power
Overt Behaviors of a Grandiose Narcissist
Bragging About Accomplishments:
“I closed the biggest deal in the company’s history. This is the best deal this company has ever had. There has never been a bigger deal. No one else could’ve pulled it off like I did.”
They openly boast about achievements to seek admiration.
Dominating Conversations:
Interrupting others with, “Hold on, let me tell you how I handled this situation. It was perfect,” steering all attention back to themselves and their greatness.
Demanding Special Treatment:
Skipping lines at an event because they “know someone important” or claiming, “People like me don’t wait in line.”
Dismissing Others’ Feelings:
Responding to someone’s struggles with, “Why are you upset? Look at everything I’ve done for you. You should be the happiest with me.”
Outbursts When Criticized:
Yelling or belittling someone who points out a mistake, “You clearly don’t understand how much I contribute.”
Covert Behaviors of a Grandiose Narcissist
Passive-Aggressive Manipulation:
Saying, “It must be nice to have all the free time you do. I’m always working so hard,” laying guilt and blame on you and pushing you to express your gratitude.
Feigning Humility to Fish for Compliments:
“I don’t think I’m that great of a speaker,” when clearly they do think they are. They are fishing for responses such as, “Are you kidding? You’re incredible!”
Subtle Undermining of Others:
“Your presentation was good, but next time you might want to try a more professional tone like I do.”
Exhibiting Jealousy:
“You sure do get a lot of attention. No one ever appreciates all the hard work I put in,” to elicit praise and admiration and get all the attention back on them.
Backhanded Compliments:
“It’s impressive you achieved that, especially with your background,” to solidify their superiority over you.
While overt behaviors of a grandiose narcissist are bold, loud, and attention-seeking, covert behaviors are more subtle but equally manipulative. Both styles aim to maintain their sense of superiority and gain admiration, either through blatant self-promotion or by quietly eliciting sympathy and validation.
2. Vulnerable Narcissism (a.k.a. Covert Narcissism)
Traits: Fragile self-esteem, no one ever appreciates them enough, hypersensitive to criticism, and full of self-pity
Identifying Signs: Passive-aggressive tendencies, withdrawal from challenges, and harboring resentment and anger
Core Motivation: Desire for validation, sympathy and attention, to the point of being coddled. Driven by an avoidance of shame and fear of rejection and abandonment
Overt Behaviors of a Vulnerable Narcissist
Openly Complaining About Being Misunderstood:
“No one ever sees how hard I work. Everyone is always against me no matter what I do.”
“I can’t believe I’m being treated like this. No one has it as hard as I do.”
Expressing Extreme Sensitivity and Defensiveness:
“Why are you attacking me? I can’t believe you’d say that when I’m trying my best.”
“It’s not my fault that I don’t know what you want from me.”
Demonstrating Obvious Self-Pity:
“I always give so much, but no one ever does anything for me.”
Overtly Seeking Reassurance:
Constantly asking, “Do you think I’m doing a good job? I feel like I’m just not good enough,” to elicit compliments and attention.
Lashing Out When Overwhelmed:
Snapping at you, “You don’t even care about how much I’m struggling. You only think about yourself.”
Covert Behaviors of a Vulnerable Narcissist
Sulking to Gain Sympathy and Attention:
Huffing, sighing to gain your sympathy and care or to guilt
Quietly Holding Grudges or Resentments:
Remaining silent but acting cold or distant toward you to “teach you a lesson.”
Subtle Guilt-Tripping:
“I guess I’m just not as important to you as your other friend, but I hope you have a good time. I’ll just sit at home tonight and do nothing.”
Undermining your Successes:
“Oh, I’m happy for you, but honestly, I don’t think I could ever take that much credit for something so simple,” to knock you down a few notches
Seeking Validation Through Self-Deprecation:
“I know I’m not as talented as you are, but at least I try,” designed to elicit reassurances like, “What? You’re amazing!”
“Clearly I’m just a horrible person.” Now you feel bad for saying anything at all and work to convince them otherwise.
Key Takeaway
While overt behaviors of a vulnerable narcissist tend to focus on obvious expressions of insecurity and sensitivity, covert behaviors are subtler and designed to elicit sympathy, attention, or validation without openly asking for it. Both styles are rooted in their fragile self-esteem and desire to feel valued or admired.
3. Malignant Narcissism
Traits: Combines traits of narcissism with antisocial behavior, sadism, and paranoia
Identifying Signs: Exploitation, manipulation, and a lack of empathy or remorse
Core Motivation: Desire for control and domination over others
Overt Behaviors of a Malignant Narcissist
Blatant Intimidation and Threats:
“If you don’t do what I say, you’ll regret it. I can make your life a living hell.”
They openly use fear to control others.
Publicly Humiliating Others:
Criticizing or mocking a coworker in front of others, saying, “Why don’t you try doing something right for once?”
They derive satisfaction from degrading others.
Exploitation Without Remorse:
Forcing someone to work overtime and then taking credit for their results, bragging, “I run this place like a machine.”
They overtly use others as tools to elevate themselves.
Aggressive Displays of Power:
Boasting about connections or resources they could use to ruin someone’s reputation: “I know people who could make sure you never work in this town again.”
Outright Denial of Harmful Actions:
After being caught in a lie or harmful act, responding with, “Prove it. You’re just trying to make me look bad.”
Covert Behaviors of a Malignant Narcissist
Undermining Others Privately:
Spreading subtle but damaging rumors about a colleague to erode their credibility, such as, “I’ve heard they’re really unreliable. You might want to double-check their work.”
They sabotage others without being obvious.
Feigning Concern to Manipulate:
Pretending to be worried about someone\u2019s well-being while gathering personal information to use against them later: “Are you okay? You seemed really off during that meeting.”
They mask malice with false empathy.
Gaslighting to Control Perception:
“You’re imagining things. I never said that,” or, “You’re overreacting. You’re too sensitive.”
They subtly distort reality to make others doubt their own experiences.
Weaponizing Vulnerabilities:
Gaining someone’s trust by acting supportive, only to use their shared secrets against them later: “Remember what you told me about your financial issues? You really can’t afford to lose this job.”
They exploit others’ trust to maintain control.
Playing the Victim to Avoid Accountability:
“I’m always the bad guy, no matter what I do. Everyone’s out to get me,” after being called out for hurtful behavior.
They deflect criticism by eliciting sympathy.
Key Takeaway
Overt behaviors of a malignant narcissist are aggressive, domineering, and unapologetically harmful, designed to assert power and control in obvious ways.
Covert behaviors are more insidious, involving subtle manipulation, gaslighting, and exploitation that allow them to harm others while maintaining a facade of innocence or concern.
Both styles reflect their lack of empathy and their drive to dominate and manipulate for personal gain, often leaving significant emotional and psychological damage in their wake.
4. Communal Narcissism
Traits: A focus on being seen as altruistic, caring, and socially responsible
Identifying Signs: Highlighting their contributions, moral grandstanding, and expecting recognition for their "generosity"
Core Motivation: Desire of admiration for being a "good person"
Overt Behaviors of a Communal Narcissist
Boasting About Good Deeds:
“I organized that charity event all by myself. It wouldn’t have been a success without me.”
They openly draw attention to their contributions to gain recognition.
Seeking Public Praise for Altruism:
Posting on social media about a donation with captions like, “Making the world a better place, one step at a time! #BlessedToGive.”
They thrive on public admiration for their supposed selflessness.
Comparing Themselves to Others to Feel Superior:
“I don’t understand how people can be so selfish. I spend all my time helping others.”
They emphasize their altruism by belittling others’ perceived lack of generosity.
Taking Credit for Group Efforts:
“That project wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t stepped in to organize everything.”
They dominate collaborative work to ensure they’re seen as the hero.
Using Charity to Gain Power or Influence:
“Since I donated the most money, I think I should have the final say in how the funds are used.”
Their “generosity” is often a means to exert control.
Covert Behaviors of a Communal Narcissist
Subtly Expecting Gratitude or Recognition:
“I went out of my way to help you, but I guess some people don’t appreciate kindness these days.”
They indirectly guilt others into acknowledging their efforts.
Downplaying Their True Motives:
“Oh, it was nothing, really. I just enjoy helping others,” while secretly hoping for admiration.
They use humility as a strategy to elicit praise.
Weaponizing Generosity:
“After everything I’ve done for you, I can’t believe you’re treating me this way.”
They remind others of their good deeds to manipulate or control them.
Undermining Others While Feigning Morality:
“I just want to help them improve, but honestly, they don’t care about people as much as I do.”
They subtly criticize others under the guise of being helpful or concerned.
Overstepping Boundaries in the Name of Helping:
Taking over someone’s personal responsibilities and saying, “I only did it because I care so much about you,” while ignoring their wishes.
They impose their assistance to appear indispensable and gain control.
Key Takeaway
Overt behaviors of a communal narcissist involve obvious self-promotion of their altruism and moral superiority to gain admiration and influence.
Covert behaviors are subtler and include guilt-tripping, manipulation, and feigned humility to elicit validation while maintaining a selfless facade.
Both styles reflect their underlying need for recognition and validation, often making their relationships feel transactional and emotionally draining.
5. Somatic Narcissism
Traits: Focus on physical appearance, fitness, or sexual prowess
Identifying Signs: Excessive preoccupation with body image and constant need for compliments about appearance
Core Motivation: Desire of affirmation for physical attractiveness as a source of worth
Overt Behaviors of a Somatic Narcissist
Constantly Flaunting Their Appearance:
Regularly posting selfies with captions like, “Woke up like this #NaturalBeauty” or “Gym gains paying off!”
They openly seek admiration for their physical attributes.
Bragging About Sexual Conquests:
Telling friends, “I can get anyone I want. People just can’t resist me.”
They boast about their desirability and sexual success to reinforce their self-image.
Criticizing Others’ Appearances:
“She would look so much better if she just took care of herself like I do.”
They diminish others to elevate their own sense of physical superiority.
Obsessing Over Fashion and Trends:
“I only wear designer brands because I know how to present myself,” or emphasizing the cost of their wardrobe.
They use material symbols of beauty to seek admiration.
Seeking Validation Through Public Performance:
Making a spectacle at the gym or a dance floor to attract attention, saying afterward, “Did you see how everyone was watching me?”
They crave overt acknowledgment of their physical prowess.
Covert Behaviors of a Somatic Narcissist
Fishing for Compliments:
Saying, “I feel so out of shape lately,” while clearly expecting someone to reassure them, “What? You look amazing!”
They subtly elicit praise for their appearance without directly asking.
Passive-Aggressively Highlighting Their Attractiveness:
“I don’t know why people always stare at me when I walk into a room—it’s so awkward.”
They indirectly point out their desirability to others.
Using Health or Fitness to Gain Sympathy or Attention:
“I’ve been working so hard on my diet and fitness, but no one seems to notice,” while hoping for validation.
They draw attention to their efforts without being overtly boastful.
Belittling Others Subtly:
“Oh, you look great! I’d never be brave enough to wear something like that.”
They frame their remarks as compliments but imply superiority.
Sexual Manipulation:
Quietly leveraging their sexual desirability to gain favors or maintain control, such as flirting to get what they want or make others jealous.
They use sexuality as a subtle tool for power and validation.
Key Takeaway
Overt behaviors of a somatic narcissist are bold and direct, focusing on flaunting their appearance, health, or sexuality to gain admiration.
Covert behaviors are subtler, using passive-aggression, fishing for compliments, or subtle manipulations to achieve the same goal without appearing overly self-centered.
Both styles revolve around their physicality and leave those around them feeling compared, objectified, or undervalued.
6. Cerebral Narcissism
Traits: Belief in intellectual superiority and disdain for "less intelligent" people
Identifying Signs: Overly analytical, condescending, and prone to intellectual debates to showcase intelligence
Core Motivation: Desire of validation for mental capabilities
Overt Behaviors of a Cerebral Narcissist
Boasting About Their Intelligence:
“I have a higher IQ than most people I know, so I usually end up being the smartest person in the room.”
They openly highlight their intellectual superiority.
Talking Down to Others:
“I can explain it to you in simpler terms since this is probably over your head.”
They demean others to assert their intellectual dominance.
Dominating Conversations with Theories or Facts:
Hijacking a casual discussion to give an in-depth, unasked-for lecture: “Actually, if you look at the data, what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense.”
They insist on showing off their knowledge.
Discrediting Others’ Opinions:
“Your argument is so flawed, I don’t even know where to begin correcting you.”
They invalidate others to appear infallible.
Claiming to Be an Authority on Many Topics:
“I’ve read every book on the subject, so I know more about this than anyone here.”
They present themselves as the ultimate expert, regardless of the topic.
Covert Behaviors of a Cerebral Narcissist
Subtly Undermining Others’ Ideas:
“That’s an interesting perspective, but have you considered how oversimplified it is?”
They frame their criticism as intellectual guidance while quietly dismissing others.
Feigning Humility to Elicit Praise:
“I don’t know why people keep asking for my advice—I’m not that brilliant,” while expecting responses like, “Are you kidding? You’re a genius!”
They use self-deprecation to provoke admiration.
Gaslighting Through Intellectual Manipulation:
“If you really understood this topic, you wouldn’t be confused right now,” implying the other person is less intelligent for questioning them.
They use complex language or ideas to make others feel inferior.
Withholding Information to Maintain Power:
Keeping key details to themselves in a group project and later revealing them to demonstrate their superior knowledge: “Oh, I thought everyone knew that—guess it’s up to me to fix it.”
They maintain control by ensuring others depend on their expertise.
Passive-Aggressively Highlighting Their Achievements:
“It’s funny how people with advanced degrees like mine are often misunderstood.”
They subtly draw attention to their credentials without appearing overtly boastful.
Key Takeaway
Overt behaviors of a cerebral narcissist are direct, focusing on flaunting their intellect, belittling others, and dominating intellectual spaces to gain admiration.
Covert behaviors involve subtle manipulations, passive-aggressive remarks, and intellectual gaslighting to quietly establish their superiority while appearing unassuming.
Both styles reflect their fixation on being seen as the smartest or most knowledgeable person, often leaving those around them feeling dismissed, devalued, or intellectually inadequate.
Conclusion
Narcissism exists on a spectrum and can manifest differently in individuals. Traits from multiple types of narcissism may be present in the same individual. Root causes often involve a mix of genetics, childhood experiences, and environmental influences. Each type of narcissism can present with overt traits, covert traits, or a combination of both.
As always, this information is for educational purposes only. I am not in the business of diagnosing anyone. This information should not be used to diagnose. That requires trained professionals in the field.
Understanding the different types and manifestations of narcissism can aid in developing effective coping strategies, workarounds, or even interventions. I offer both individual and small group coaching for help in devising these strategies and workarounds for your specific situation.
www.covertnarcissism.com