Imagine mustering the courage to share your deepest pain, the struggles you face daily in your marriage, and the emotional despair that has consumed you. Instead of finding empathy, you’re met with questions and statements like:
"Why don’t you just leave?"
"Maybe you’re the problem."
"You shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place."
These aren’t just hurtful—they’re devastating. Victim blaming silences survivors, reinforces the abuser’s control, and deepens the emotional wounds of covert narcissistic abuse. Instead of empathy and understanding, you hear accusations, judgments, and dismissive comments. This is the last thing you need and can push you even further into loneliness, hopelessness and despair.
No one understands! No one gets it! No one cares!
What is Victim Blaming?
Victim blaming occurs when others hold the victim responsible for the abuse they are receiving or minimize their experiences. This harmful mindset often stems from a lack of understanding about the dynamics of covert narcissistic abuse.
Victim blaming shows up in many forms:
Dismissive statements: "It’s not that bad."
Judgmental accusations: "Why didn’t you just communicate better?"
Insults: "You’re just being dramatic."
Invalidation: "You’re overreacting."
These comments don’t just sting—they perpetuate the psychological damage victims already endure.
How Victim Blaming Hurts Survivors
1. It Silences Victims
When survivors face judgment instead of support, they often retreat into silence, fearing further pain. Already feeling lonely, they are now convinced that they are on this journey completely alone. This isolation makes it even harder to seek help and begin healing.
2. It Deepens Self-Doubt
Covert narcissism thrives on gaslighting and manipulation. Victims already struggle with questions like:
"Am I overreacting?"
"Is this really abuse?"
Hearing phrases like "This is your fault" amplifies their inner conflict and erodes their confidence.
3. It Invalidates the Experience
Statements like "Why didn’t you leave?" or "Just get over it" dismiss the complexity of abusive relationships. Survivors feel invisible and misunderstood. This situation is already impossible to put to words. Unreceptive ears only magnifies this maddening situation.
4. It Reinforces the Abuser’s Control
Victim blaming echoes the abuser’s narrative: "You’re the problem." This reinforces the power imbalance, making it even harder for the victim to break free.
Why Do People Victim Blame?
Discomfort with Complexity
Covert narcissistic abuse is nuanced and difficult to understand. Simplifying it by blaming the victim feels easier than confronting the painful reality of manipulation.Projection of Personal Beliefs
Comments like "You’re just a drama queen" or "This is why men shouldn’t get married" often reflect the speaker’s own biases or frustrations, not the survivor’s reality.Desire for Control
Blaming the victim provides a false sense of security: "If I avoid their mistakes, this won’t happen to me."
How to Respond to Victim Blaming
1. Recognize It’s About Them, Not You
Victim-blaming comments reveal the commenter’s ignorance or discomfort—not your truth.
2. Seek Safe Spaces
Share your story with trusted friends, support groups, or a therapist who listens without judgment.
3. Educate Where You Can
If you feel safe, use these moments to spread awareness. For example:
"Covert narcissism is designed to trap you emotionally, making leaving seem impossible."
"It’s not about a lack of communication; it’s about a lack of respect and empathy from the abuser."
4. Focus on Your Healing
Redirect your energy from defending yourself to nurturing your well-being. You are not defined by others’ misunderstandings.
A Message to Survivors
If you’ve faced victim blaming, hear this: It’s not your fault. The responsibility for abuse lies solely with the abuser, not you.
You are not weak for staying. You are brave for surviving. You deserve compassion, understanding, and support as you heal.
Encouraging Empathy: A Message to Listeners
If you’ve ever judged a survivor or questioned their choices, consider this:
Do you fully understand their situation?
Are you offering support or adding to their pain?
How would you want someone to respond if you were in their shoes?
Empathy can make a world of difference. Listening without judgment and validating someone’s feelings can be the first step toward helping them heal.
Let’s Shift the Narrative
Victim blaming adds to the wounds of those already suffering. Together, we can change that. Let’s create a world where survivors feel seen, heard, and supported.
If this blog resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment.
Ready to take the next step in your healing journey? Check out my coaching services. And don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering content.
I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!