Covert narcissistic abuse is a very unique type of abuse. Those who have never lived it cannot fully understand the complexities of this abuse. As a victim of it, I can certainly tell when I am talking to someone who has lived it too. They just get it!
One of the extreme complexities of covert narcissistic abuse is that you, the victim, actually join the abuser in abusing yourself! Let me explain what I mean.
You accept the blame, guilt and responsibility that the abuser dishes out to you. You in fact join him/her in blaming yourself and taking full responsibility for fixing the relationship.
You work so incredibly hard to be perfect, losing touch with who you are just to keep this abuser happy or try to. You allow this person’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter more than your own and neglect your own needs and desires entirely.
You believe what they say, accepting that they are right, and doubting yourself again and again. You accept their reality, either just to keep the peace or because of your own self-doubt. Either way, you continue the abuse of wiping out your right to matter as a person.
Covert narcissistic abuse leaves deep internal wounds. It not only challenges your right to have thoughts and feelings of your own, but it challenges your right to even exist in the first place. It creates an environment where you join the abuser in hurting yourself, and this has to stop!!
You have NO control over the covert narcissist abuser in your life, but you DO have control over you! Pay attention to that little voice inside your head. That voice that echoes your abuser’s words and attitudes. When that voice speaks up, tell it NO! Tell it to STOP!
That voice will listen, but you must be persistent! At the beginning, it may take 100 times an hour. But it will get much easier as you go! With practice, you will reach a point where a simple nudge will quiet that voice back down.