Life with a covert narcissist is a mixed up life. You try to live in a way that shows love and care for the needs of others. But this gets used against you. You put the needs of others before your own, but they play this to their advantage. You overlook the faults of others, but this blows up in your face. This is life with a covert narcissist.
Unfortunately, victims often completely neglect caring for their own needs. They find themselves completely worn down and empty from the abuse and consequential self-neglect. Here is how it looks. Each first statement is about you, the victim. The second statement is about the covert narcissist, the abuser.
I am willing to take care of the needs of others but not willing to take care of my own needs.
They are willing to take care of their own needs but not willing to take care of the needs of others.
I am willing to overlook the faults of others but not willing to overlook my own faults.
They are willing to overlook their own faults, but not willing to overlook the faults of others.
I am willing to forgive others but not willing to forgive myself.
They are willing to forgive themselves but not willing to forgive others.
I treat others with compassion and understanding, but I treat myself with judgment and harshness.
They treat themselves with compassion and understanding, but they treat others with judgment and harshness.
Let’s make this even more appropriate to the situation (using he because it was my husband, put in whatever pronoun is appropriate for you):
I am willing to care for his needs but not my own.
He is willing to care for his needs but not my own.
I am willing to overlook his faults but not my own.
He is willing to overlook his faults but not my own.
I am willing to forgive him but not me.
He is willing to forgive him but not me.
I treat him with compassion and myself with judgment.
He treats himself with compassion and me with judgment.
Do you see why you are hurting here? Why you are empty and feeling unloved? No one can live like this forever. It is no wonder that you are exhausted and spent! If you don’t start caring for yourself, who will?
Change your sentences to:
I am willing to care for the needs of others AND my own.
I am willing to overlook the faults of others AND my own.
I am willing to forgive others AND myself.
I treat others with compassion and understanding AND myself.