I was in a 20 year marriage, and divorce had been coming for a long time. For a few years, my friends and family kept asking me when I was actually going to file. My answer was always, “I don’t know, yet but I am confident that I will know when it is time.” Every day it just didn’t feel right yet. That was okay, because every day I did the next right thing to get me closer to ready.
These steps ranged from packing up some sentimental family items that I didn’t want to fight over to taking one of the boys to our trusted and amazing counselor. It included documenting things that had happened that week and even talking with his mom about what was going on. Some of the steps were spending some positive quality time with my boys or even for me to spend that same positive time with a close friend for my own mental health. Some steps were meeting with a divorce attorney, getting questions answered, and learning about our finances. One step at a time, I put things in place, not only for the impending divorce but also for the necessary healing for me and our boys.
I knew I would know when the time was right. Then that day came. The first day ever that I felt like the next step was actually to file for divorce. I couldn’t believe it. I always had said that I would know, and somehow now I knew. This was a day that I had been waiting for for years. How did I know? I just knew. My heart knew, and it finally felt right to go file. So I did.