You are exhausted!! To the point of no longer being able to function. Even making small decisions such as what to fix for dinner is beyond your current capabilities.
I’m not talking about exhaustion after a full day of work, after a hard workout, or after a day of playing with the kids. I’m not saying you just need a good night’s sleep here. This exhaustion is much much deeper than that. This is a bone-dry exhaustion that makes your insides scream in pain. You are empty! Nothing left in the tank, and no way to fill it back up again!
The only people who know what I am talking about here are those who have experienced it. You know if you have. You know what I mean. Anyone who has not lived this cannot possibly understand this level of exhaustion.
Maybe you have tried to explain this to someone who doesn’t get it. They will tell you that they have been tired too. They will tell you that you need to rest or that you need a vacation. They don’t understand that you can’t rest and that you don’t get a vacation! If you are still living with your covert narcissist, you don’t ever get a break. This is every day, every moment of every day.
Even if you are out of the relationship, rest can still be incredibly hard to find. Your mind is still in overdrive. You are doubting yourself, your choices, your actions, even your own memories. You are obsessed with trying to figure out what happened. Is this my fault? Am I the problem? Your emotions are all over the place. You can’t rest because you have no hope or trust left. Even functioning can be extremely difficult.
A relationship with a covert narcissist requires enormous amounts of energy from the victim.
Covert narcissists steal your life energy. They have none of their own and live off the energy of their victims. You have been trying to hold up not only yourself, but your abusive partner as well, and children if you have them. You have been providing the energy supply for at least 2 people for quite some time.
Think about it. You are the one who has been providing the motivational energy in the relationship. What I mean by this is that you were the one trying to push things in a positive direction all the time. You were the one watching for the problems, trying to divert them, and picking up the pieces afterwards. You were the one caring for everyone’s emotions. You tended to your abuser’s emotional needs even more than your own, and they not only allowed you to do all the work but actually expected it. When you let down on your own efforts for even a moment, the world blew up in front of you!
I know you are exhausted! I completely understand. Even getting out of bed can be a challenge. This is a phase. It isn’t forever. But if you are at this level of exhaustion or even a smaller level, you need to listen to your body. Ask yourself, what does my body need right now? If it needs rest, let yourself rest. Do the bare minimum in life and let your body get what it needs. Don’t worry, it won’t need this forever. You have been through a traumatic experience, and you need healing time.
When someone has been badly injured, one of the first steps in healing is rest. Let yourself rest!! We will be discussing the next steps soon. In the meantime, enjoy that rest and listen to how it makes your body feel.