Just because you do something athletic does not make you an athlete.
-Throwing a ball
-Kicking a ball
-Running (to catch a bus)
Just because you do something musical does not make you a musician
-Singing in the car
-Dancing in the living room
Just because you do something narcissistic does not make you a narcissist
-Silent treatment because everything you say is being used against you
-Getting overly defensive about something because you are tired of being attacked
-Having a moment of jealousy
-Over-stepping your boundaries
-Standing up for yourself
-Desiring for life to be about you for even a moment because you want to matter
-Greyrocking - short answers, not engaging, emotionally shut down
-Feeling like a victim
Yes, these are traits we see in covert narcissists. They show up in victims too as trauma responses and survival skills. Just because they show up in your struggle to survive this does not make you a covert narcissist!
We all have selfish moments. That does not make us a selfish person.
The narcissist in our life has generous moments. Does that make them a generous person?
My ex even had compassionate moments. He certainly was NOT a compassionate person.
When you see glimpses of narcissism in you and question this, remember that if you are asking if you are a narcissist, then that is a huge sign that you are not. Narcissistic people do not genuinely ask themselves if they are narcissistic. They may ask another person simply to receive validation that they are not. But they will not ask themselves and self-reflect within.
What you are experiencing when you see those moments of narcissism in you is reactive abuse. When you have been pushed to an edge over and over and can’t do anything right, it is very normal to react. That reaction can be explosive and scary, yelling, hitting, throwing things, etc. It can make you look crazy and even make you feel that maybe you are. See it for what it is. You have been cornered enough times, and eventually the intense bottled up frustration comes out!