So in his eyes, our early marriage was a match made in heaven. He thought it was great! I worked so hard to keep him happy. I met his every need. I noticed his every mood and adjusted my behavior accordingly. To him, this was perfect!

Not so much in my eyes. I cried myself to sleep many nights, thinking, “I’ll never bring that subject up again….ever!” . I carried horrible pits in the bottom of my stomach, wondering when his next explosive reaction would be. I cringed at the slightest disagreement or the smallest hint of anything that would offend him. All the while, I also convinced myself that I was capable of keeping this marriage strong. I could do this!

So how did I spend my time? Working overtime to keep him happy, to shield him from anything that would upset him, to make sure he felt good about himself and life, to validate all his emotions, to meet his every need.

So YES, he thought this was great! Who wouldn’t? He had someone who committed all of her time to making him happy, to baby-sitting his feelings, and to smoothing over all his relationship boo-boo’s. It was a great deal for him. He gets to act like a jerk and have someone to sweep up after him all the time.

Look at your relationship with open and honest eyes. If you are doing all the work and making all the changes in you for this person, and they are not meeting you in the middle with work and changes on their end, then this is a toxic relationship and is not sustainable. In a healthy relationship, both sides are willing to give. Both sides make themselves vulnerable to each other, admitting faults and carrying blame, and both sides give forgiveness and compassion.