“I get all my emotional validation from you.”
These words were spoken by my covert narcissist husband. At the time, we had been married about 18 years. I had been holding him up emotionally for all of our marriage, catering to his feelings, tap dancing around his moods, and working hard to make him feel good about himself.
Over and over, we went on this never ending loop. He would get his feelings hurt, and I would work hard to boost him back up. I never knew what was going to upset him or what was going to hurt him, but I always knew that something would. He constantly found a reason to need me to pump him back up emotionally. No matter how hard I tried and how much energy I poured in, it was never enough.
I reached a point of deep exhaustion, totally depleted of any emotional energy. For my own sanity’s sake, I began to pull away from this role of an emotional pump. I desperately needed space for myself, for my needs, for my feelings. I had finally realized that I was not responsible for his feelings!
This all led up to the day when he said to me, “I feel like you are pulling away. You can’t do that. I get all my emotional validation from you.”
I told him that this isn’t fair. Your emotional validation should come from within yourself. No one else can provide that for you. It is too much to ask. It’s not fair to put that on anyone!
Covert narcissists do not have what it takes to find emotional validation within themselves. They will take it from you as long as you are willing to give it. Stop taking responsibility for their feelings. Their emotions are not your job. The sooner you stop playing that role, the sooner you can focus on your own healing!