Narcissistic people do not go to therapists to get help for themselves. They don’t go to figure out if something is wrong with them. They might go to a therapist, yes.
Will they be truthful with that therapist? No
Will they be truthful about what the therapist said to them? No
Will they twist everything to their advantage? Yes
Will they charm the therapist, putting their mask on securely? Yes
Toward the very end of my 21 year marriage to a covert narcissist, my husband finally went to a therapist. This was after years of me encouraging him to go talk to one. He had one session. He came home and told me that he had gone. He said that he told the therapist about my theory of narcissism and that the therapist told him that he didn’t see any narcissism in him. He snapped at me, “In fact, he didn’t even see ANY anger in me! All he saw was how hurt I have been by YOU!”
Do I think for a minute that my covert narcissistic husband showed his true self at that session? Absolutely not! He played his victim role that he is SO good at. That same victim role that hooked me in the first place, seeming so genuine and sincere. So I was not surprised when the therapist didn’t see it. I simply said, “Ok,” and walked away. There was nothing more to say.
Getting an actual diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder is incredibly difficult for so many reasons. You might be asking yourself, “Is my partner actually a narcissist?” You can wear your mind out trying to answer this.
Ultimately it does NOT matter. Whether he/she is or isn’t does NOT actually matter. What matters is how they treat you, day after day. What matters is how they talk to you, how they care or don’t care for your feelings, thoughts, and opinions. What matters is whether you matter to them or not. If you don’t matter to them, if your feelings don’t count to them, that’s abusive! Whatever the label, abuse is abuse, and abuse is wrong!