Covert narcissists don't use conversations to find understanding, reconciliation, or compromise. They don’t use them to get to know someone better or to connect with another person. Sitting around and just visiting with others is a complete waste of time to them!
Conversations are a tool to be used to their advantage. They are transactions that can be manipulated. They are seen either as an exchange, I give you something and you give me something, or as a competition, I win and you lose. They use conversations to win or gain an advantage.
Conversations are verbal competitions. Most of the time, they seem to want communication to be difficult and a problem. They don’t want to understand. They want only to maintain their position of superiority. In order to truly understand and sympathize with someone, you must allow a moment or two to be about the other person. Narcissistic people absolutely cannot do this. Not even for a tiny moment can life be about someone else. When they can keep the conversation confusing and difficult, it can stay centered around them. Then they have a “duty” to explain and educate the other person, which maintains their superiority and arrogance.
These conversations are antagonistic, combative, and extremely uncomfortable. I reached a point where I said to my friend, “I don’t even know how to have a normal conversation with my husband.” You see, with narcissistic people, there is no such thing as normal conversation. Anyone who has lived this knows exactly what I mean! Stop trying to have normal conversations with them. It is painful and exhausting!