You get mad at him/her because you still expect them to behave like a reasonable person. They have shown over and over that they are not going to do this.
I get asked often, “How do I stop getting mad at them? How do I just ignore the bad behavior?
Stop expecting them to behave like a decent and reasonable person.
When they show their true colors, instead of getting angry, just say to yourself, “Yeah, here we go again. Some things never change.”
Your own expectation that they treat you with goodness and respect is what allows you to continue to get stabbed in the heart again and again.
Change your expectations. Expect him/her to behave like a jerk. They have shown that over and over. Why wouldn’t you expect it at this point?
Your expectations that they not be that way is actually your own desires coming through. You want them to be reasonable, loving, caring, and respectful. I understand this. I get it. I desired all that too, more intensely than I have ever desired anything in my entire life!
But this says more about me and who I am than it ever did about my husband. I had to change my expectations to better match my reality.
When you change these expectations, the abusive behavior no longer surprises you. This helps tremendously to keep your anger from rising and to allow you to handle life more peacefully. You can certainly still call them out for the behavior, which of course they will object to. You can still leave the situation, choosing to not engage in their abusive behavior, which will enrage them. But you don’t have to be mad to walk away. You can just choose to not be there.