Many victims ask, “But what if I still care for them? How can I leave then?” They feel they must stay because they still care. Or they keep returning to the relationship because they care about them.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having compassion for them. In fact, I think that is a wonderful and beautiful thing. You have compassion because of your own beauty inside of you. You care about him/her. But you do not have to stay just because you care about them. If they are continuously abusing you, you can love them and still walk away.

Should you stay and help them? No, absolutely not! You can’t! It isn’t possible for you, the victim, to help them. They will not hear it from you, and you will go crazy trying. They will manipulate everything you say or do to work against you. You are fuel to them, feeding their sense of superiority and entitlement. They will see you no other way! If they are ever going to get help, it cannot come from those closest to them.

Should you stay with them? NO! Their misery is strong and it runs deep in them. Just think about how long it has been there. You can wish them the best and sincerely hope that they get help somewhere, somehow. But you don’t have to stick around while they do it, or don’t do it. Their misery will rub off on you if you stay. It is okay to have compassion for them and still leave. It is okay to want what is best for them and still walk away.

You don’t have to hate them in order to leave. You can recognize that you want a healthy relationship in life. Be prepared - they will say that’s what they want too, but they simply aren’t capable of it. They are not able to do the intense work that it will take for them to get there. You don’t have to fix them or this relationship. No one ever said that you have to be their miracle worker!