Your belief in the goodness of others is not a bad thing, but it can certainly cause problems. It can lead you to be willing to overlook the faults of others and set you up for abusive relationships.

For many years of my marriage, I never considered that my husband was abusive or NOT a good person. Of course he was a good person. How could he not be? I made excuses for his bad behavior. He doesn’t feel good today. He is stressed from work. He’s tired. He’s worried about a big project.

My belief in the goodness of him says more about me than it does about him. I want people to be good. I want people to care for each other, to love each other, to live in peace with each other. I so badly wanted him to be a good person, and I refused to consider otherwise. So I overlooked all the red flags for years.

If you grew up under an abusive parent, this can certainly magnify the problem. It causes so much confusion in a youngster. The thought that your parent could be a bad person isn’t even considered. This is your mom or your dad. You believe in them and turn to them for love and support. So you grow up believing that a bad person is truly a good person. This leads to a lot of internal confusion, and you aren’t even aware of it. So later in life, someone can be abusive to you and you might remain convinced for years that they are a good person.

Hang on to that desire for others to be good people, loving and peaceful. Nothing wrong with that. Just keep a reality check with it. Just because you want someone to be a good person does not mean that they are. Look at their attitudes, behaviors, words, actions and see them for what they are. You can be sad that they are a bad person, but you cannot “will” them into being a good person.