You Want to See My Bruises? Look at My Kids
Why Emotional Abuse Leaves Invisible Scars—and How You Keep Showing Up Anyway
It took everything in me to finally say the words out loud:
“He is abusive.”
My voice trembled—not because I was afraid of him in that moment, but because I was afraid of not being believed. I had kept it inside for so long, trying to rationalize, minimize, survive. But this time, I needed someone to see me. To hear me. To validate what I knew deep down: this wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t okay.
But what came next always felt like a punch to the gut:
“Oh! I’m so sorry. Did he hit you?”
And when I said no, I watched their concern vanish. Their eyes scanned my face for black eyes, busted lips, any visible scars. When they found none, their expression shifted—surprise, doubt, discomfort. Not doubt of him—doubt of me.
Because in their world, no bruises meant no abuse.
The Scars They Couldn’t See
Suddenly I wasn’t a person in pain. I was someone being dramatic. Misunderstanding. Overreacting. I could hear the silent assumptions:
It can’t be that bad.
Maybe she’s just too sensitive.
Sure, he’s difficult… but abusive?
That moment didn’t just steal my support—it threatened to steal my reality.
But I want to say this to anyone who’s ever asked, “Where are the bruises?”
If you really want to see the damage… look at my kids.
The Hidden Bruises of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
No, he didn’t leave bruises on their skin.
But he left them in far more devastating places.
In their eyes when they were dismissed or ignored.
In their questions: “Why doesn’t Daddy like me?”
In their fear of expressing opinions.
In their constant need to apologize—for things that weren’t their fault.
In the tightness of their shoulders, the sleepless nights, the stomachaches before school.
These are the bruises that don’t show up in ER visits or police reports.
These are the bruises that live in the nervous system.
They show up in their obsession with being perfect, in their deep confusion about love, in their heartbreaking belief that they are the problem.
Because when one parent is a covert narcissist, the child learns a devastating truth early on: love is conditional.
Co-Parenting With a Covert Narcissist: The Battle No One Sees
If you’re parenting with a covert narcissist, you know this battlefield intimately.
You are doing the hardest job of your life—under siege. You parent in an emotional war zone. You are both the shield and the nurturer. There is no teammate. No soft place to land.
Instead of encouragement, you get undermined.
Instead of partnership, you get manipulation.
It’s not just that they won’t support you.
It’s that they are actively working against you.
They twist your words. Gaslight your children. Paint you as the villain while playing the victim. And while they do this, you’re left carrying the emotional weight of two parents, wondering every night if you’re doing enough.
You’re Not Just Surviving—You’re Showing Up
Let me be clear: Of course you screw up.
You lose your temper. You cry behind closed doors. You say things you wish you hadn’t. You’re human. And you're doing an impossible job with no manual and no backup.
But still, you show up.
You make the lunches.
You dry their tears.
You kiss scraped knees.
You teach love that is real—even if it’s imperfect.
You are modeling stability in chaos. You are showing them what it means to love safely and truthfully. You are breaking generational cycles brick by painful brick, even if you’re not sure they see it yet.
They will.
This Is Holy Work
This work—this quiet, invisible, relentless work—is sacred.
You are planting seeds of truth, safety, and love in soil that’s been scorched by manipulation.
One day, your child will look back and say:
“Thank you for protecting me.”
And on that day, you’ll see what all this pain was for.
You’ll realize that the bruises you carried—those invisible wounds no one else could see—they were never for nothing.
They were for freedom.
For healing.
For your child’s future.
You Are Enough
If you are feeling broken today, if you are exhausted from carrying it all, I want you to know something:
You are doing holy work. Invisible, sacred, life-changing work.
One day your child will walk away from dysfunction with clarity. One day they will know who saw them, who loved them, who stayed. And that will be the day your bruises finally begin to heal.
Your Love Is Not Invisible
If this message spoke to you, please don’t keep it to yourself. Share it with someone who’s struggling in the silence. Let them know they’re not alone.
And if you’re co-parenting with a covert narcissist and don’t know where to start, I can help.
💬 Visit covertnarcissism.com and explore my Individual Healing Program—designed specifically for survivors like you who are parenting in the middle of chaos.
Or email me at renee@covertnarcissism.com.
You deserve support. You deserve peace. You deserve to heal.
